In his arms

Posted: July 28, 2011 in STORY

It is 2 O’clock in the morning. Connor was not able to sleep. He went to kitchen prepared coffee and bought the cup to the hall. That’s the routine he is doing from past 2 weeks. He set his coffee mug on the near by table and sat on easy chair from where he can see his darling’s smiling face. He wanted to hold her and feel her. But all he could do was sit on the easy chair and stare at her framed photo.

He is trying hard not to think about her. But he can’t help it. He started crying silently. He know he had to be strong and brave but he can’t help it sometime. Sound from the near by nursery made him come to the reality. He got up went to his  daughter’s room. Guess even she was missing her mom. Connor took her in his arms kissed her cheek. She was wide awake now. She was hungry too. Connor put her back in the crib went to kitchen and boiled the milk. When he came back his daughter was sleeping. He smiled and left the room. Exactly like her mother he thought.

He sat on the same easy chair and continued staring at his wife. He knew it that this would happen. She had made sure that he know the consequence of marrying her. But He was determined. He still remembers how she used to drive him crazy with her jokes. He couldn’t sit in that place now. He got up went to his living room and opened the cupboard and took out the black diary. He just loved that diary. At present that dairy gives him strength to live. He must have read the diary for 10 times. He knows each and every sentence by heart but he still want to read it.

He opened the diary. Smile appeared on his face looking at his wife’s ugly handwriting. How many times he had commented on her hand writing but she was least bothered. He turned the page.

***********************************************************************

I am Alexia Martis. I love my name so much that I write it everywhere.

When I was a kid I never wrote dairy. I just played around with my 2 elder bothers and 1 elder sister. I was the last so as usual was spoilt for some extent.

Now I am 25 years old. Usually gals at my age have loads of dreams like marrying a hunk, owning big villa and a car….. but I have none. Few years ago my brother had passed away. My elder brother death taught me a lesson and lesson was never dream. According to me dreams rarely come true. I still remember how my brother suffered. He was bed ridden for 1 month. He had a kidney problem. My parents tried to save him but they were not god. My brother died at the age of 23. His dreams went with him to coffin. My parents were broken. Few hated me because we were bit similar to see and our behavior was same to same. I did understood their feelings

After completing my B.sc in Fasion technology I did a advanced course in Fashion Technology. I am working in famous boutique in Delhi. I am happy and successful. But I am still single. They say single people are really happy. Believe me its true. I enjoy my freedom. They say people cant see you happy. I go for any function they start asking question about my marriage. How I hate that poor mentality. When I want to get marry I willl, I won’t wait for anyone. Now even my parents are pressurizing me. I told them I want some time but they didn’t listen to me.

Recently I got pain in my joints. It was unbearable. I went to see the doctor. Tests were done and I had kidney problem.  One kidney was gone and according to doctor I had to under go operation. I didn’t inform my parents as they will worry.

Operation was done and doctor assured me nothing to worry. But inside I knew it I am gonna die like my elder bro. It was a gut feeling which was with me since his death.

When he died he was 23 and according to my calculation I willll die when I am 26. May be I sound like psyche but that weird taught was there with me right from beginning.

Time passed once in a while I had same old kidney problem. I knew it my time has come. I couldn’t share these thoughts with anyone so I started writing.

I never wanted to dream but sometimes I couldn’t help myself. Marrying a guy and becoming mom, owning small little cute house with big garden, having a dog around was all I could dream in spite of my struggle against dream. Guess my age made to dream.

I know there are many people who live with single kidney but you never know anything can happen. When I die I wanted to be free to go without any bondage. Love, relationship makes you weak when are at the edge. So I decided not to marry and spoil somebody’s life.

I reduced my visits to my home. My parents were searching a guy for me. I tried to convince them but they were all set to send me off. I couldn’t tell them about my health problem. I cut off my self from my home. Even though I was lonely and felt homesick I controlled my feeling.

My cousin was getting married in Bombay. As I was very close to her she forced me to come. I know if I go there will be 1000 of questions about my marriage. I was confused whether to go or not. When she begged me to come I couldn’t say no to her.

She had come to airport to pick me. She was looking lovely. We had fun, lots of fun. We partied every day. Those long drives were unforgettable. It didn’t take long to realize how much fun I was missing. She introduced her fiancé. It was love marriage. Both were madly in love.

On wedding day my cousin was looking gorgeous. I do love weddings. It’s like union of 2 souls. I had worn black knee length gown and left my hair and just a coat of lipstick.After the wedding mass there was reception. Decoration was eye catching. There were many couples, youngsters and handsome dudes.

I sat in a corner and was observing them dancing. I lost myself in watching them. I didn’t realize one stranger is standing next to me. He asked me for a dance. I looked at the dancers and then at him. I thought one dance can’t harm me. I said yes.

*******************************************************************

Connor closed the dairy. He was smiling. This is his favorite part. He closed his eyes for a while.

He still remember the day when first time he had set his eyes on Alexia. She was seated at the corner and was watching the dancers. May be she doesn’t have dance partner like him he thought. He started walking towards her. She didn’t see him until he asked her for a dance. She was bit startled as if she was sure that no guy will ever ask her that question. She was bit short but pretty. When she said yes Connor was happy.

When they reached the dance floor waltz was going on. He held her in his arms. He had a feeling which he never experienced before. He wanted to know more about her. Whenever he tried to look into her eyes she used to see away. After the dance she had told her name and thanked him politely. When she started to walk away he felt something belonging to him is taken away from him. Before he could call her back she was lost in the crowd

He was searching for her. She was with a guy when finally he found her. He pulled her aside and asked her number. She looked straight in to his eyes and said “What you will do with my number?”

Connor never expected this question. Gals were easy catch for him. He was handsome and gals used to roam around him like butterfly. He was bit angry at Alexia but he didn’t show.

He casually said “Just wanna talk to you”

Alexia laughed loudly and said “I will give my moms number she loves talking”.

Connor was furious. He though he made a mistake asking her number. When he started walking away Alexia said loudly “ I didn’t realized that you loose so easily. Any ways Connor it was nice dancing with you”

I t was like challenge to Connor. He stopped where he was. He was breathing hard. When he made his mind he turned and walked towards Alexia. Before Alexia can make out what’s happening he kissed Alexia .Then he took her phone and dialed his number. He forgot that he had audience. All he could see is Alexia holding him for support. When he got her number she kissed her cheek and whispered slowly “You challenged wrong person babes, take care until I we meet again”. Before Alexia could do anything he was gone.

Connor opened is eyes. He looked at the Alexia’s photo beside his bed lamp. He traced a finger around her cheek.

He continued reading

*************************************************************************

He held me during the dance. That’s the first time some guy holding me. I know I do miss many things. We danced for a while. There was magic in his arms. I fitted so well in them. When dance stopped I was disappointed. His name was Connor. Very good name I thought. I told him my name and thanked him for the dance. I didn’t want to go but he didn’t stop me. I just walked away with a different feeling.

I was talking to my cousin when from no where he came. I was not expecting him. One look at him and I know what he gonna ask. I had to be strong and hide my emotions. He asked my number and I didn’t give. When he started walking away I couldn’t see that. I had to do something. I know what I was doing was wrong. I provoked him. I know he will do something stupid but I never expected him to kiss me. The 2 minutes when he held me in his arms was heaven for me. Again I was there where I belong. Easily he had taken my number. He had created such a mess even my mom and dad were standing and watching us.

When we reached home that day I got a big lecture from my parents. I just listened to them like a cow. I was cursing Connor for spoiling my image in front of my parents.

That night I couldn’t sleep. I missed him already. I waited for his call but he never called.

After 2 days I left to Delhi. One fine  day I was busy working in my office when I got red roses with a message “You were in my arms near to my heart, You walked away with my heart “

It was clear that it was from Connor. I was happy and sad. My health was bad. Doctor had given me 2 years time. I can’t imagine marrying and dying within 2 years. I had to be strong I know.

That evening I got a call from Connor. He asked me out on a date. As I wanted to set everything straight I agreed.

He had taken me to some fancy restaurant. As usual he was looking handsome. I know that I was attracted to him. I tried hard to hide my emotions.

After the dinner he had taken me for a long drive. When we were away from city he had stopped the car and proposed me. I was speechless. I was crying. I was confused whether those were happy tears or sad tears. All I know is he was holding me and saying “just say yes! Please. I have asked your parents permission and they are happy. Don’t spoil this moment saying wrong words. Please Alexia”

He was begging me. I wiped my tears and said I can’t marry him. I told him about my health condition. He got down from car and started walking. I was alone. I don’t know where he went. He came after sometime. He opened the door and told me to come out.

He said “your health problem doesn’t changes a thing. Just marry me. You don’t know how I missed you when you were not with me. I know its silly tht I am proposing you after the first meeting but I didn’t want to waste any time when I am sure that you are the one for me.

I thought I will convince him but he was convincing me. I hugged him and said I don’t want bondage’s while dying. But he didn’t listen to me. He was very stubborn. I said yes finally and also told him not to tell about my health to my parents.

We got married within a week. Connor was very understanding. It was dream come true marrying such a person. I loved him very much.

When I was ill he was there holding my hand and strengthening me. He was there whenever I needed him. Doctor had warned me about having a child. According to doctor having child was not a good idea. But I wanted to have Connors baby.

Chelesa was born after one and half year of our marriage. She was replica of me. Connor loved her.

After my delivery my condition got worse. I got admitted to hospital. I was struggling to breathe. I know my time has come. They shifted me to ICU. Connor was there beside me every day. He looked tired. As a last wish I wanted to see Chelesa. She was looking adorable in her pink dress in her dad’s arms.

Connor closed the diary and closed his eyes. He know what happended after that. He was there with his love when she closed her eyes for the final time.  He held her tight as if he never wanna let her go. She died in his arms. Still he  can’t believe that his wife left him and his daughter forever.

He got up and walked towards nursery. Chelesa was sleeping. He just smiled looking at his wife’s replica. He still had a reason to live.

Comments
  1. Nisha says:

    nice one.. needs a lil editing..

    Like

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